I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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