I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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