Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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