That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
