Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
