THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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