Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
