Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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