hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
