Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
