come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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