This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
