hell yes lets make some ravioli
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
