you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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