...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wanna bring you to show and tell
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
