Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
