best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
