Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
