is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
