I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
