he wants to bone in the snuggie
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
