Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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