my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
