i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
