Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
