There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
