I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
