Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
