a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
