just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
