i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
