Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
