i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
