Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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