My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
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Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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