I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
