Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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