can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
