oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
