remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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