Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
