Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
