I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
