very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
