I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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