home. puking in laundry basket.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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