med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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