I wish I could teleport
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just found puke in my bra..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
