Already got asked if we're dating
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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