Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
