your parents love me but you hate me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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