You made me cry and you don't even care
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
