that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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