the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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