I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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