I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
