i think my tv is drunk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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