My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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