My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
