Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i came on her dog
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
