Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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