you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
ttyl tear gas
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
