But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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