god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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